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A Wynn

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[26 Oct 2008|07:32pm]
Wow. It's been over a year since I've posted here.

Maybe I should let you all know that I've got a new journal.

foggyeiffel .

I would LOVE for you all to move over there. I miss you guys.

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[21 Jan 2007|10:53pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Belle says I'm on a !!Hiatus!!

I'll be back hopefully on Sunday January 28th. If you have anything you want to say to me, leave me a comment here and when I get back I'll will DEFINATLY reply!

Have a GREAT week you guys!

2 comments|post comment

[05 Jan 2007|08:27pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

I really don't like today.

My bi-polarism is back in full swing and it ruined my day. I cried on the bus ride home and I don't know why.

I tried to place it with an event and I couldn't.
I just..I'm home alone right now and I don't like it.

Travion's not allowed over and that makes me even more upset.
I haven't talked to him all day. I get depressed when we don't talk.
Apperantly enought to ruin my whole day.

That's..god dammit.

Two of out my 'several true friends' realized that there was something wrong with me today.
And..One of them only because he wants to be my boyfriend.

I have anxiety again. I feel an attack coming on soon.
For some reason or another, I feel most anxious at my house.
And I feel calm as FUCK at school or even outside of my house.
I hate being home alone. I hate it. I hate it.
It makes me honestly feel suicidal. I feel like if I turn around, god only knows who or what's gonna be there. I know for a fact it won't be anyone I love, so..I get freaked out.

I have a feeling that I'm gonna end up crying in my sleep tonight. If not in my sleep, definatly when I go watch a movie soon.

I want to cut and I really don't know why.

I'm freaking myself out and I need help.
I can't do this. I can't be alone.
Not with all these knives, and pills and liqour. I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS!!

I'm so fucking scared. I need to go to bed. I need to skip dinner (by myself) and just go to bed.

It's so weird. Because when everyone's home and the house is full, I will go off somewhere by myself. I think it's because if I scream, someone will hear me. But when I'm home alone, no one will. Not even a neighbor.
I want a fucking hug.
I want one right fucking now.

2 comments|post comment

[01 Jan 2007|01:32pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

I think for 2007 my main goals are to stay happy, graduate and do what the fuck I want.
It's my senior year.
I turn 18 this year.

And you know as soon as I turn 18, it's gonna be off the chain!

But, I just..I'm sick of being depressed all the time and pissed off.

I'm turning over a new leaf.

I mean..fuck. I start college this year.
At Ferris State.

That's crazy.

I've also decided to make a wish journal.
Everyday I get online, I'm gonna put a new wish in there and see if any of my previos wishses have come true.


That's my wish journal. You can add it if you like, but I do believe the entrys will be public.

That's all for now. I really should get in the shower.

5 comments|post comment

[27 Nov 2006|06:58pm]
I'm done.
I'm fucking done.
She wants me to grow up?
Fine. I'll fucking grow up.

I'll grow up to be the kid who HATES their parent's. Doesn't call them on the holidays. Doesn't send them anything. Doesn't call.

I'm fucking done.
I'm done with her fucking cunt licker bullshit.
She says she's trying to keep me safe.

I don't want to fucking BE safe.
I want to fucking..GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!

I'm so fucking sick of this.
You don't even understand.

I'm about twenty minutes away from slamming the fucking front door and walking to fucking someones house. I can't fucking do this anymore.
1 comment|post comment

[25 Nov 2006|04:59pm]
Today's been..crazy?

First we (my mom, dad and I) went to Gram's to fix her door or whatever. Then we went to Cranbrook Science Center and did that whole thign for some time. I got a huge chunk of amethyst. My mom bought it for me.

And then we came home and I hooked up the new printer. They went to the grocery. Now I'm about to go take a shower and then Sarah, Drew, my dad and his BFF Dan are going to the Tenacious D concert and my mom and I are going to see Happy Feet.

NOW! On monday morning, I guess Travions coming over for a little bit. :D!! I'm realllllllll excited.

Um..that's pretty much it.
My mom and I had a HUGE fight last night, again. Over Travion.
So for awhile, me and him are going to have to sneak around. I hate doing to my mom. But..I need to experience things for myself.

K, Peace out home DAWGS!
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[22 Nov 2006|08:09pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

www.demeterfragrance.com has YUMMY scents.
If any of you plan on getting me anything for my BELATED birthday or for christmas, Bubble Gum Room Spray would be good.

I've slept most of the day away.
So I definatly have strep again.
But this time. It's a special kind.
The sent out two more cultures again.

If these antibiotics don't work, then I'm definatly a candidate for getting my tonsils removed.

Let's hope that they don't work!
I don't want to have to deal with this anymore.


As the depression sets in again
the scars fade away finally
just as the new ones
start to seep through.

theres no new ones
not just yet

but im just waiting
for that ONE crucial blow

and i'll be home


Don't ask.
Don't tell.

Kinda like the army.
Ha. The army. What a joke. But at the same time. They're not. They save us.But how can the army save us from ourselves?
People are constantly commiting murder. Negligent Murder. Manslaughter. Unintentional Manslaughter. Just killing one another. SO where's the army in that instance? Fighting a country that doesn't want our help!!! In American History X, Edward Norton says "Give me your tired, your hungry and your poor." Then goes onto say that we in America have our OWN hungry, tired and poor. Why do we NEED to rush to the aide of people who DON'T WANT OUR HELP? Why? We have beggers who won't have ANY turkey tomorrow. There are people who have a roof over their head but have no healthcare. Why is it so expensive? Do we WANT people to die? People can't afford to stay healthy and then they die. Causing their family, who has no money, to find a way to pay for a funeral and a burial. Doctors live in lavish homes, and have close to NO worrys. And why is that? Because they prescribe someone Augmentin and go home in their BMW's and their Cadilacs. Sure they have school loans to pay off, but what about those kids, who have none? They skate through Med School with Mommy and Daddy helping. I say that doctors who drive a '95 Mini-van and CRY when they tell a patient they have cancer and have 25 days to live, DESERVE the money. But the heartless bastards who don't cry, who just prescribe and leave, deserve to live hungry, poor and tired. Trade places just ONE day with someone who needs a hug. With someone who NEEDS healthcare, but can't pay for it. With someone who needs just five dollars to get something warm. Let it be food, mittens, a jacket from salvation army, let it be something. You can't just skate through life without there being something getting in the way. Trade places with someone. Make the president trade places with a widow with child whose husband died in Iraq. Trade places with a poor person and see what it's like to have people spit on you, because YOU were fired. Because you were let go. Because your company decided to "go in a different direction". Trade Places with someone of a different color. Trade with someone whose fat. Or skinny. Tall. Or short.
If you can't or won't then Listen Shut up for a few minutes and listen to someone's story. Listen to what someone else has to say for once, without interuptting them. And when you're listening, genuinely care. Is it really that hard to open your heart up to someone new? What's the worst that could happen? Rejection? Because you've never been rejected in your life. That's bullshit if you haven't. Tell me you haven't and I'll reject you from my life. If you can't handle the truth, then just go away. I hate having to barricade the truth from people. If I think you're ugly, I will tell you. If I think you're fat, I'll tell you. If you're slowly killing yourself, I will beat it into you. You don't need to be perfect. There is no such thing. I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'm overweight, I'm tall, I used to have terrible acne, I'm loud, I have an ugly nose, I don't usually think before I speak. I'm not the nicest person, but I can be. I lie alot. Oh well. We all have our faults. But I don't let mine run my life anymore. So stop letting yours. You need to realize that you're not perfect and you never will be. That's life. There is no 'perfect weight'. No 'perfect grade'. No 'perfect height'. There's NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT!

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[16 Nov 2006|05:27pm]


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[15 Nov 2006|07:23pm]
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[12 Nov 2006|08:33pm]
This is what his Blog on myspace said.

The Story Of My Life

Thats it ladies I'm getting married next year to my baby mama so I'm offically engaged. And I just finally got down with a new label so the offical mixtape will be out own Feb 14 and it's called The RE-Up and I promise yall that shit gone be real hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot and after that I'ma bring out my other hood niggas and speaking of the hood I would like to introduce yall to Hood Enterainment. Thats my new label shit but yea thats the story of my life and if you ain't down wit that you can SUCK MY DICK BITCH
1 comment|post comment

[05 Nov 2006|04:56pm]

Check it out and leave a comment.


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The truth comes to the surface. [19 Oct 2006|10:56pm]
I wish people understood. But I can't have everything.

My boyfriend, Travion and I have been together for two months.
I plan on moving in with him after I graduate.
I am Bi-sexual.
I have a girlfriend.
I don't have a set race.
I do have a crush on many boys.
My parent's used to abuse me.
My parent's smoke marijuana.
I used to smoke weed.
I used to drink.
Ever since 10th grade, I have a beer on the last day of school.
I don't get invited to partys.
I used to hate taking showers.
My record is probably a month.
I think I might have a tumor at the base of my neck.
I pray every night that something happens to me. Good or bad.
I don't have a set religion.
I love Travion.
I love Charlie Bakanas.
I act black to hope that my boyfriend will appreciate me even more.
I love Faygo.
I have a crush on a few underclassmen.
Eric Beck.
Austin Probst.
Steve Nielsen (Charlie Brown)
That's it.
I wish I was in college.
I'm scared shitless to go to college.
I'm scared I won't get into any colleges and have to go to OCC.

Any questions?

Ask me.
I will answer as honest as I can.
1 comment|post comment

[16 Oct 2006|10:48pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I've decided to make a list of characterisitcs about myself.

+Former Self-Harmer
+Developing a hump on my back
+Not into the scene
+Into Art
+Into Classical Music
+Feels more comfortable listening to music rather than playing it
+Makes up alot of stuff
+Loves to write poems
+Wanna-be Catholic
+Not any real religion
+Not sure if I was actually raped.
+Not sure who I really am.
+Want to marry Travion
+Want to kill someone
+Want to move out
+Need to move out
+Doesn't hate anything or anyone
+Just strongly dislikes
+Doesn't understand teenagers
+Wishes she was done with High School already
+Wants to start her OWN scene
+Doesn't care what people think
+Likes Rap Music
+Likes Classic Rock
+Dating Travion
+Loves Travion
+Has sex with Travion as often as possible
+Dappled into drugs and drinking
+Wants to be wanted
+Is wanted
+Wants to experience so much
+Has so much time to
+Wants to end her life
+Wants to go to college
+Is scared shitless of leaving home
+Is excited to leave home
+Contradicts alot
+Is smart
+Is Stupid
+Loves to swim
+Hates getting wet
+Is a bully
+Is a Bitch
+Loves England
+Loves Ireland
+Gets wet when touched by the right boy.
+Is sick of getting made fun of just because I put myself out there
+Is sick of being fat
+Wants a real big eating disorder
+Wants to curl up and sleep next to Travion
+Wants to live with him
+Wants to date Keith
+Wants to experince more boys but keep Travion
+Wants to have sex Right Fucking Now
+Would never admit to anyone that she's horny, except one person.
+It's not Travion.
+Is in love with one of her Ex's still.
+He knows it.
+He's 23.
+Wishes she had a bigger ass
+Wishes her chest was bigger
+Knows that Travion loves her
+Wishes she had a ring to show off
+Wishes she would never wake up
+Hopes to wake up to prove myself wrong
+Loves proving people wrong
+Can dish it out but can't take it.
+Has very very very low self-esteem
+Has even lower self-expectations
+Hard worker
+Possibly dying quicker than you.

3 comments|post comment

[10 Sep 2006|08:06pm]

Yeah. I'm fuckin' hot.
4 comments|post comment

[17 Aug 2006|08:15pm]
2 comments|post comment

[09 Aug 2006|11:27am]
[ mood | content ]

It's a good day.

I have family from JERSEY coming in.
I wish it was my Aunt. Maybe it is, I don't remember who's all comin out.
I know that I get to meet my great great cousin.

Everything between me and colin is SUPERB.
Everything between me and ashley is tightttttttttttttt.
Everything between me and my parents is alright.
Everything between me and sarah is goooooooood.

And I had this SWEET ass dream.
I was in the navy and I made friends with this War Vet who was our General or something like that. It was amazing he was getting me ready to Jump from the plane over the water, onto a like..GIANT metal thing. It was..undescriable.

There's something wrong with my back. If I go to sneeze, I can't. Theres a SHARP pain right behind my ribcage. NOT COOL.

Whatever. Today's a good day and I'm not going to let anything ruin it.

Six hours later:

I hate life.


I love life right now.

And I ecspecially love my friends.

All of them.

And my enemies.

But number two love goes to Colin (Sorry sweetpea, Poppy is still first!!)


4 comments|post comment

[03 Aug 2006|02:31pm]
Fuck yes.

Click the damned Fuck yes.

Oh man. I can't wait.
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[02 Aug 2006|03:32pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

I watched a few PETA video's today.

I cried.

How can people eat meat?

Have you seen Meet your Meat?

I will never eat meat or Fish again.


For those who think they're fat, and still eat meat, you're just putting the pounds on. And shrimp/scallops have more cholesterol in them than some kinds of meat.

OOH! And milk?!

Antibiotics, PUS, Hormones and other nastiness in it. Mmmm PUS!

Every package of chicken

Has alittle bit of POOP in it.

Mmmmm Fecal Matter.

Meat = Gross
Fish = Gross


PETA awareness = even more yay.

Finding out that some of your favorite bands are vegan = WHOA! CRAZINESS FUNNESS!


Check it out. It'll blow your mind.

11 comments|post comment

[18 Jul 2006|07:55pm]
Will you call me Ampersand?

I think it's fuckin' kick ass.
1 comment|post comment

[16 Jul 2006|11:43pm]
Wheres a fucking shot gun when you fucking need one.

Fuck you too then.

I was fucking happy!

HAPPY! does that mean anything to you?

Clearly, it doesn't.
Nothing matters anymore.

fucking worst day of my fucking life.

I can't be happy.


When it comes to me
Happy is a dirty five letter word.

Why does everything get ripped away from me?
I'm fucking happy.

I was fucking happy.
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